First Post, Smiling Trash Cans

Hi everybody!

I was walking around the UF campus the other day when I noticed a smiling trash can.

"Yipee! Look at meeeee! I'm smiling.
Now, feed me."

And, there is certainly nothing wrong with that. I mean, the trash can has needed a makeover since its inception and this looks quite nice, a perfect match of form an function.

Wait a second, do I see two holes for "Bottles & Cans?" As if I am throwing away so many bottles that I can't just do it in one measly hole? Who the hell has so many cans? Oh, they needed it for the smiley face. I see. You'd think they would at least use one eye for the cans and the other for the bottles. Oh well.

These trash cans are new on campus. So, my first thought upon seeing that beautiful face was to imagine the conversation that occurred just before the decision was made to replace the old ones.

"Jim, we have just got to replace those cans. They're plain ugly. Period."
"Are you aware that we are already millions of dollars over budget?"
"Exactly! So, what difference will it make if we spend a couple hundred grand on these cans? They smile goddamn it!"
"We barely have enough to afford our necessary faculty. We can't waste money on silly things like this."
"Oh, come on. It looks like somebody needs to turn that frown around... Come on... You can do it... Even the trash cans are doing it..."
"OK. Fine! We'll get the smiling cans."

I think the worst part is that they made the mouth so small. How can I score a three pointer with a paper ball in a hoop like that? And, suppose I miss and it rolls into the eyes. Am I expected to reach my arm in there and get it out. Although, it doesn't say "Bottles & Cans Only." So, I guess paper is allowed? Let's get this straight: someone actually thought that without the word "Only" after "Landfill Trash," people would be unable to comprehend that bottles and cans are not supposed to go in there! It makes me want to by a soda just to put the bottle in the wrong spot. Muahahahaha.

In case you haven't already noticed, that trash bag, hanging across the middle, is no ordinary bag. It was made specifically for this can. That's right. There is now a factory making trash bags for use only in smiling garbage cans. And, how is the bag supposed to be replaced? Clearly, a new method of bag removal is necessary. Past are the days when garbage containers could simply be emptied into large containers for transport to yet larger containers. Now, we recognize the great care that must be taken to avoid mixing the precious gems on the one side with the toxic sludge on the other. Either that, or Jim's brother own's a smiling garbage bag factory...

So, the new can is not really that useful. Who cares? It still smiles. Isn't that enough?